“Everything Is Different” – A Reflection on Parents.
My wife and I went to visit some friends who just had a baby last night. They were still in the hospital, and seemed to be doing well. As we were sitting there talking, we got to know my friend’s mother a little bit. She had flown in straight from California to be with them. It’s nice to know that the distances that separate us don’t separate us nearly as much as they used to. With the population growing so much, and more and more people constantly surrounding us, we are still able to reach those we care about quicker than ever.
As I sat and listened to my friends talk about their new baby and the experience of giving birth, I started to wonder what their life is going to be like now. I’ve heard new fathers say “everything’s different now”. Not being a father myself (yet), I have no idea what that feels like, or what it means. Maybe it means that everything we do, everything we have done, now has a new purpose, a new focus. Maybe it means that all of our priorities have just changed, swept away by the now omnipresence of fatherhood.
It’s difficult for me to fully comprehend. A little over 18 months ago, Kathryn and I got married. Just before our wedding, we closed on a condo in Chicago. A month after our wedding (maybe a little more), we decided to take in 14 month old puppy named Basil. In those few months, I believe our life changed more than it ever had before.
Now, a year and a half later, I sometimes wonder what children and fatherhood will be like. I find myself nervous, afraid to add more responsibility to our already-packed life. The responsibility of our mortgage, our special-needs pup Basil (see Basil – A Doggie Poem), and our marriage itself often seem all-consuming. It’s difficult to imagine adding more to it. But then I remember that often-repeated phrase: Everything’s different now.
Maybe it means responsibilities that once seemed too large for me are now a no-brainer, becoming part of life immediately out of necessity, as life changes so dramatically. Maybe it means that there is not just new life, but an extension of my own life in this tiny bundle of baby. Every bit as much as I live within myself, I now also live within this child. The things that would have overwhelmed me before in caring for someone else, that would have sent me running, screaming into the hills, just don’t anymore because now I am caring for an extension of myself. Maybe they understand themselves truly, for the first time, as givers of life, as creators and builders of the future in a way they never were before.
Maybe, just maybe, when they say “everything’s different now”, it really means “I’m different now”.
Sandra and Ryan, congratulations on the birth of your son, Caleb James, and congratulations on the rebirth of yourselves. And to all of my friends and family with children of your own, thank you for showing me why everything’s different now.
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